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There’s an Audience for Everything (Some Notes on What You Did Wrong)

It’s not fun to wake up feeling shattered
I couldn’t sleep all night because stress dreams kept me hostage in this nasty reality
My stomach feels like its decomposing and my throat trying to find its way out of my body.
Like it doesn’t belong-and in the process of being rejected.
And god help me if I don’t yank it out myself, because sitting here and trying to decide if I’m going to throw up or not is hell enough.
And you don’t fucking realize it’s all your fucking fault.
So fuck you. Fuck you and your gender. And your age. And sex. Fuck sex. Fuck innocents and anyone who self identifies as the devil. Fuck the serpent who looks nothing like the devil but is the devil.
Fuck the plants on my window sill for turning brown and I have to cut off the leaves so it looks like I know how to take care of them.
Fuck the sunlight and the 4 am birds that won’t quit reminding me there is life outside these four walls of my room.
I just want to sleep.
I just want to float unconscious untill everything is over. So fucking Mindlessly.
and I’m floating like a deadman. But I will not close my eyes. I will not because I do not trust my own body.
and if I close my eyes I will die perpetually. Like before.